Being a Friend to Someone is the Best Gift You Can Give

February 23, 2012 1 Comment

This story has gone around the internet and email loops.  Yet, it is a great reminder of the power of friendship and the despair of life without a friend.

One day when I was a freshman in high school, I saw the new kid in my class walking home from school. His name was Kyle. It looked like he was carrying all of his books. I thought to myself, “Why would anyone bring home all his books on a Friday? He must really be a nerd.” I had quite a weekend planned with parties and a football game with my friends. So I shrugged my shoulders and walked on.

Just then a bunch of kids ran toward him, knocking the books out of his arms and tripping him so he landed in the dirt. His glasses went flying, and I saw them land in the grass about ten feet from him. As he looked up, I saw a terrible sadness in his eyes. My heart went out to him. I jogged over to him, picked up the glasses and handed them to him.

“Those guys are jerks. They really should get lives,” I commented.

He looked at me and said, “Hey, thanks!” There was a big smile on his face. It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude.

I helped him pick up his books and asked him where he lived. As it turned out, he lived near me. As we walked home, I discovered he was a pretty cool kid. I asked him if he would like to play football with me and my friends on Saturday. He said, “Yes.” We hung out together all weekend and the more I got to know Kyle, the more I liked him. My friends liked him too.

On Monday morning, I saw Kyle carrying his huge stack of books again. I stopped him and said, “Dang, boy you are gonna really build some serious muscle carrying this pile of books everyday!” He laughed and handed me half the books.

Over the next four years, Kyle and I became best friends. By our senior year, Kyle had filled out and looked great. He was one of those guys that really found himself during high school. All the girls loved him, and he always had lots of dates. He had studied hard and was valedictorian of our class.

On graduation day, he was to give a speech. I could see that he was nervous. So I smacked him on the back and said, “Hey, big guy, you’ll be great!” He looked at me with one of those really grateful looks and smiled, ‘Thanks.”

He started his speech, “Graduation is a time to thank those who helped you make it through those tough years: your parents, your teachers, your siblings, maybe a coach, but mostly your friends. I am here to tell you that being a friend to someone is the best gift you can give.”

Then he began to tell the story of the first day we met. I stared at him in disbelief when he told how he had planned to kill himself that weekend. He had cleaned out his locker so his mom wouldn’t have to do it later. I heard a gasp go through the crowd as this handsome and popular boy told about his weakest moment.

He looked hard at me, gave me a little smile, and said, “Thankfully, my friend saved me from doing the unspeakable.”

His mom and dad looked at me with a grateful nod. Not until that moment did I realize that in one small gesture I changed a person’s life. Now I never underestimate the power of my actions. I learned that the support of a caring friend can impact someone in ways we may not fully understand and appreciate.

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A proposal can help your friendship.

February 21, 2012 2 Comments

Let’s put an end to marriage proposals.  It is way too awkward to ask someone for their hand in marriage.   When else in life would you make a fool of yourself to ask for a defined relationship?  Never.  They should just happen.

For example, a 34-year-old guy and 31-year-old gal have been dating for 5 years.  If they have NOT talked about the relationship going deeper or into marriage, they can continue guessing and wondering where their relationship is going.  All relationships work better when elusive and undefined–when each person is left wondering if the other really wants to be with them, and what level they desire for the relationship.  Marriage Proposals are way too forward and presumptuous.  Way too awkward.

Each person should try to guess by random clues.  It would free us from having to feel odd for a few moments.

Of course I speak ironically.

My real proposal is to add friendship proposals.  WHAT??  Let’s make it easier on each other as friends by asking where we want this friendship to go.  Just like in dating, the sooner you know if someone really values the time together, the better it will be for both.

We have all experienced that awkward email or call when someone continues to pursue a friendship, but you have no desire to continue it.  Or we have been on the other side, where we call and email and get no response, so we wonder if they really are interested in a remarkable friendship.  It could simply be that they are the type that doesn’t check their messages.  How can you know?

Asking for someone to be your friend is a lot less expensive than a diamond ring, and defining the friendship has huge rewards for both people.  Your probably think I am crazy.  Yet I have personally done this and have exprienced the positive effects of clarifying the type of friendship that is hoped for.  This has been one of the greatest keys for me to develop remarkable friends.

Can you imagine asking a friend what level of friendship they would like to have with you?  Sounds hard and weird, doesn’t it?  Most hard and weird things are the very things that bring the best things to life.

What do you think?

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Captain Quakers Update

February 16, 2012 4 Comments

Today, we bought a mega fishing net with a long handle.  This baby will catch a duck.


The past few early mornings, I put on my Muck boots, warm coat, stocking cap and trudged down the dirt road around the bend through the winter wheat field to the pond.  I slow down as I crest the hill before the pond and get as quiet as possible.  From here I can see the spot that Captain Quakers hung out.  Next I walk around the large pond.  There is usually a flock of ducks on the pond and each time I hope that one will not fly away and have the distinct black head of a Khaki Campbell drake.  Yet to my dismay for the last 5 days, all the ducks on the pond have flown up into the air and away.  No Captain.  We have finally given up hope.  Captain has found a new home.

The good news is that a new Captain is coming.  Our friends ordered ducklings Saturday.  We put in an order for a new Khaki Campbell drake.  This time, we will have a pen and the mega large fishing net to make sure we don’t have to go through the heartache again.

What do you think about putting a leash on a duck?  Does it seem like overkill?

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Here’s My New Holiday. . .

February 15, 2012 1 Comment

Today was a great day. . .

My wife and I decided to not give “Valentines”.  We did it, not from a lack of love, but so that it would not feel obligatory.  Yet, I couldn’t help myself.  I went to the store and found this really cute card.  I had to buy it, because it reminded me of how special she is to me.  I got to write a few words of love and care inside the card.  Then I felt compelled to buy flowers.  As I searched for the right flowers, I remembered she prefers live plants.  So, off to the garden center I headed to find the perfect berry bush.

Isn’t it great to think about how special someone is in your life?  It brings a smile to my face and heart.  And you know what? It effects how I look at our relationship.  I did this while focussing on the good and beautiful in our relationship.

As I reflect on today, it struck me that my mindset had more to do with my relationship than the other person.  We really didn’t do anything different today.  Yet, our words and hugs were sweeter.  It was our mindset that made the difference.

When I seek to bless someone, guess what happens to me?  I see that person as a blessing.  When I label them a pain in the neck, I see them as a pain in the neck.

I’d like to propose we make a Valentine’s sort of day for friends.  Maybe we could call it “Friends Rock Day” (though we’ll need something more catchy)  in honor of friends.  We could focus on all the good they have contributed to our lives.  We’d seek ways to bless them.  We’d have the excuse to tell them how much they mean to us, and deposit into each other’s lives.

What do you say we make June 14th “Friends Rock Day” so that they could come over, BBQ together, and tell stories of friendship?

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I started this relationship, so I could speak venomous words-right?

February 14, 2012 2 Comments

My wife walked over to where I was brushing my teeth and said, “Wow! We have a lot of our clothes on the floor around here.” It was mainly my clothes. I responded with, “Why do you ALWAYS need to be so negative around here? Can’t you give me any break? Don’t you appreciate all the hard work I do? Man, I will never measure up.” And on and on went my  attack.

Many of us have stood on a church platform exchanging vows to love and cherish, in sickness and health, and we really meant it. Our hearts’ desire was to love, cherish, and care for the other person. Yet a couple of years later, we find ourselves attacking, picking, yelling or nagging at the other person. . . using words like “you ALWAYS do this”, or “venting” with a friend about how our spouse never does _______.  Out of our mouth come venomous words of harm.

This weekend I was reminded that when we enter into a relationship with one another, no one goes into it thinking, “In a couple of years I am going to be cutting them with venomous words and speaking ill of them to others.”  We would all say, our true desire starting out was to have a life filled with words of love for one another.

What about with our friends? Do we make friends with the goal that some day we will have the joy of slandering them or find that when their name is mentioned we get a tightness in our stomach? No. Of course not.

As a matter of fact, we have far more power to mold the relationship than we realize! This power resides with our words. What we say has a lot more impact on ourselves and the other person than we give it credit–a lot more power to shape the relationship than we understand.

We’ve been frustrated with a situation in our lives, and found ourselves complaining about the people we feel can make a solution.  My wife rightly asked, “What if we decided to speaking blessing about them and towards them rather than complaining negative words?”

I was surprised at the change in my mindset towards them as we spoke words of blessing. No longer were they just slackers. Instead, they became humans again. Humans that have feelings that can be hurt. Humans that need love.

Do I still struggle? Yes. Has it started to help turn those powerfully negative emotions to another option of seeing them as real people to love and care about. Yes.

Our words not only have the power to impact others, but they also have a tremendous impact to free us from our negative focus.

Do you remember the early carefree days in a relationship that has now gotten sour? You have the power to turn things around by the words you use (or think) about them. Do you want a sweet relationship again? Then start use blessing words today.

Do you want a sweet relationship?  Then use sweet words!

If you try it, I would love to hear how it turns out.

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Day 4 of Captain Quakers-Discouragement

February 10, 2012 4 Comments

All last night, I dreamed of a throwing net sailing over the head of a Khaki Campbell drake.  The first idea that hit my mind was “how could I engineer a throwing net?”  “Would the heirloom afghan from my wife’s great Aunt work?”  “Can you wash an heirloom Afghan?”

I woke up very early in this morning in time to prepare to get the duck.  I decided to get 4 hog panels and tie two of them together to form a 16 foot wall to corral Captain Quakers.  The other two would be used by the children to provide a moving barrier.

There was a light mist in the morning as I headed towards the hog panels in the woods.  However, this one question kept nagging me: “how is an 8 year-old going to carry and move an 8 foot hog panel?”  Oh well–we MUST get this duck.  He will just have to brave it in 18 inches of water.

By God’s grace, before I got to the panels, I stumbled upon some yellow netting.  This would be much easier for the kids to handle!

This netting was plastic, 30 inches high, with 2 inch squares.  Perfect.  We were going to get that duck.  I unrolled a modest amount-about 35 feet from one role and another 60 feet from the other.  “This ought to do it!  We were not going to be short this time,” I thought with satisfaction.

I roused the kids bright and early so we would have enough time to catch this duck before work.  As the boys got out of bed, they asked, “Dad, are you serious?  Do you plan to back into the water?  Are you expecting us get our swimsuits on again and get frostbite on our feet?”  My response was quick and to the point, “Absolutely, we are getting that duck.  Now get going.  We have wasted a good 20 seconds already.”

Armed with our netting, we headed towards the pond to survey the situation.

Cresting the hill, I saw a familiar flock of about 10 birds floating on the pond.  “Great, he’s out in the deep part of the pond,” I reflected. Our arrival spooked the flock, and to our surprise not 9, but all 10 birds lifted off of the water and flew away.  (By now you may have gathered, that Khaki Campbells are a domestic duck and can’t fly more than 2 feet off the ground.)

For one last-ditch effort, we slogged on down to our neighbor’s pond, hoping he moved on to safer water.  No duck.

To make a long story short, I headed off to work while the kids and Andrea went about their day.  Twice more today, surveillance teams were sent to the pond. Still, no Captain.

We fear that yesterday’s events scared Captain so much that he went searching for more peaceful waters.  Who knows?  He may have ridden the creek halfway to California by now!

I don’t plan to give up our daily search, but in the mean time, we are ordering a new Captain Quackers in duckling form.  Starting out with ducklings will give us a chance to teach them where “home” is!

If you want updates, you can subscribe on the home page.

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Day 3 (con’t)- Drenched and Defeated

February 9, 2012 8 Comments

For those interested in Remarkable Friends, feel free to ignore this post.  For those interested in our adventures with Captain, read on.    Here is a link to the first part of the story-Day 1; Link to first half of Day 3- First part of Day 3

My hands missed.  I went down.  Down into the icey, mucky water.  I could hear my wife stifling a laugh on the shore. The duck took off towards the deep water.  No way.

Now it was MAN versus DUCK, and there was no way that this duck was going to win.

Once again, I put the raft back into the water and started to paddle with my stick as the oar.  Paddling was going too slow, so I decided to “jump” off and swim, pushing the raft.  MISTAKE.  I fell out.  My whole body plunged underwater.  Remember, this is like 40 degree or colder water.  It took my breath away for a moment and I really should have stopped.  But I have too much male stupidity in me, so I kept going.  I swam the length of the pond pushing the raft, thinking don’t kill the duck, don’t kill the duck, just capture him–don’t kill the duck, don’t kills the duck, just capture him.  Then I thought there is no way I am going to convince this duck to get out of the pond.

Meanwhile, I instructed my family to circle back around the pond again to meet us at the south end.  Everyone was cold, muddy and tired from sprinting through 3 inch mud around the outer edge of the pond.  My wife decided to take the “short cut” through the woods, following the elk trail.  I could hear her, like an elk crashing through the underbrush and tripping over the blackberry brambles as she ran to my aid.

To my surprise and great delight, the duck waddled out of the main pond and back into shallow water again.  Yahoo!  This time I was ready and there was no way we would make the same mistake a third time.

As I silently stalked the mighty bird, he darted into a very shallow area.  Better yet, he went into an inlet that had no exit.  I had this ‘stupid’ bird.  How dumb could he be to go into an inlet with a predator on his tail?   This bird had been hand-raised and had never had to fight to survive.  His mother didn’t have to teach him to avoid predators.  This bird was mine.  Heh, heh, heh!

I called the rest of the family over and warned them to be super duper careful and surround this small inlet.  We were all in position.  One was covering the north side, another, the west side, and another, the east side.  We would either catch him or drive him south to the shore, where we would get him, even if I had to dislocate a shoulder diving on the ground for him.  I just hoped I didn’t break a wing.

We closed in.  Hope was here!  As I rounded the last edge and looked into the inlet, I thought for sure that this was going to be easy.  I entered with my youngest daughter, who asked, “Where is he?”

What I had forgotten is that God gave animals the instinct to survive.  There was no duck to be seen.  We were in tall dead reeds, which were light and dark brown.  Do you know the color of a Khaki Campbell–light and dark brown.  Oops.

We searched and searched and searched and called Lily, our Beagle to find him.  Finally, my feet and the kids’ feet were in such great pain from the cold water that we had to stop.  It was now dusk.  We had lost again.  The duck is smarter than the man.

Cold, wet, and muddy we sulked back to the house.  Tomorrow, we will try again.

We will let you know what happens.  If you have a trick, please let us know.

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Day 3 of Captain Quackers-Hope (Sort of)

February 9, 2012 9 Comments

Well, the saga with Captain Quakers takes a unique turn.  For those interested in Remarkable Friends, feel free to ignore this post.  For those interested in our adventures with Captain, you will find this entertaining.  (Yes, that is a picture of us starting the adventure today.)  Link to the first part-Day 1

Early today, the boys were out looking one more time for the duck.  One of the boys decided to simply go look at the old fort and while there decided to go a little farther into the woods and ended up at the edge of the overflow pond area.  There were about 10 ducks swimming.  The boys scared the ducks and 9 flew away, yet one remained, unable to fly as a domestic duck.  They thought the remaining duck had a black head, like that of a Khaki Campbell.  They got the binoculars for better look.  As they look through the binoculars they clearly saw that it was a Khaki Campbell Drake.  It was indeed, Mr. Captain Quakers happily paddling in the dream pond—at least 2 acres of water!

After getting Mom and the girls, they tried to entice him to the edge with a duck’s favorite: baked potatoes.  The five of them surrounded him and tried to scare him toward the shore–all the while trying not to get water over the top of their boots.  Finally, five wet and dejected duck owners gave up . . .that is, until Dad comes home!

Armed with long sticks, a rubber raft, and four in swim suits and sandals, we confidently traipsed back down to the pond.  The plan was to carefully sneak around him so that we could cut him off from the deep part of the pond and corner him in the shallows.

Sure enough, he was right where the family left him this morning, so we flanked him in knee deep water and pushed him towards the bank using our sticks to extend our reach.  Amazingly, he waddled up on the shore, exactly where we wanted him.

Perfect!  He headed towards a blackberry bush and was trapped.  We were all in shock at how quickly our plan had worked!  This was WAY too easy!

Reaching out to grab him, we didn’t realize how quickly he could move.  Arms started to flail and feet started to splash water in an attempt to catch up.

Too late and too slow.  Into the water he went and headed into the deeps of the pond.

We were NOT giving up.  We had the raft blown up in case this happened.  My oldest and I hopped into the raft to herd him out of the deep water and back into the shallow water where we could encourage him back onto shore and catch him.  Now mind you, the temperature has been in the 30 and 40’s lately.  The water is VERY, VERY cold.  (I think it had ice on it last week).  But now, my adrenaline had started to flow.  I am the mighty hunter!  I will conquer this bird!

Paddling a rubber raft with sticks is not the easiest thing to do, but finally we were able to get Captain across the pond into the other shallow water.  Yeah!  My wife and the younger three kids had run around the pond (with boots, a dog crate and the coats we had shed).  We were poised.  We’ve got him now.

The two of us started to herd him again.  (By the way, I would never recommend herding a duck in water.  They do have the advantage!)  He started to go back towards the shore.  It surely is going to work out this time.

But, the duck had the nerve to challenge us again.  Just as we were close to the shore,  the duck shot around us and towards the deep water.  I threw my stick to cut him off.  It WORKED!  He turned around.  I had him now.  I was running as fast as I could in knee deep water.  Just as I was about to get him, he darted left.  I lunged into the water to grab him.  My hands were flying for his neck (the proper way to catch a duck).  As I reached for his neck….  (to be continued)

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The Sorrow of Loneliness & Rejection con’t (the following day)

February 8, 2012 1 Comment

Some of you have asked what happened to Captain Quackers.  Here is the following day.  Here is a link to the previous post-Captain.  Like all good Hollywood movies, the ending must be good.  We called the breeder to ask for their advice on how to get the him back.  They encouraged us to use buckets of food.  As well as let the duck hens roam to encourage him to come back.  We put the hens out.  Had the food out.  We wandered the bushes again.  She suggested we call for him and hope he remembers our voice.   The kids and us are out there calling, “Captain Quackers, we love you.”  Yet, sadly no Captain Quackers.  We tried again.  Eventually, night came and we had to close the door to protect the other birds.  Captain Quackers would spent another night out in the wild or it is already too late.  Either way, there is no longer a beautiful Captain duck in our pen tonight.  Sadly, I fear this story will not have a Hollywood ending.  But it has impacted our family.

The breeder said that if there is no fence for him than he wouldn’t know where his boundaries are and would just wander and wander and wander to no where.

What I learned is that when we are alone without any help to keep us on track, we can all wander and wander and wander.  If we don’t have a friend to tell us we are headed towards danger than we will just keep waddling in the same direction.  Often that direction will lead us to danger.  Where did it lead Captain Quackers?  It probably lead him into the woods where there are all sorts of people that will happily devour him as soon as they could.  Is it that any different in our lives when we don’t have loved ones around us encouraging us to a better spot.

Dear Lord, please help me to listen to the warnings that my loved ones share with me.  Help me to realize that I need their prodding to stay on the right course.

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The Sorrow of Loneliness and Rejection

February 7, 2012 2 Comments

I left work early with our two boys and drove two hours to Corvallis, Oregon to get a prized Khaki Campbell duck.  This breeder is one of the top in the nation.  We had unintentionally gotten into ducks and now love them, especially my youngest son.  Everyday leading up to that Friday, my son would ask, “Is today the day?”  He got out paper and wrote: “3 more days till we get the duck.”  He wrote on our whiteboard: “2 more days!!!!!”  His siblings got tired of hearing about getting the duck.  It was like Christmas morning the day we finally got to go.

We got the duck on a Friday afternoon.  On the drive back, I allowed him to take the duck out of the crate as we drove 65 miles an hour down I-5.  The boys held the duck for a long time.  He finally felt comfortable enough to sit and rest on their lap.  It seemed that the duck had realized that the boys were going to help him.  They named the duck ‘Captain Quakers’.  This way his offspring could be Graham Quakers, Ritz Quakers and Animal Quakers.  We thought that he had bonded enough with the boys that he would do fine.

We followed the breeder’s instruction and kept Captain locked up with the other ducks for a few days.  While he was with the other birds, they decided to pick on him and shun him.  The hens even pecked at him, till he was all alone.  The day came to finally let Captain out with the other birds.  Things seemed okay.  He hung around the pen most of the day, yet he was alone the whole time.  When the other ducks or chickens would come by they would peck at him or simply ignore him.  We kept an eye on him most of the day.

As we went out to put the birds in that night, Captain was not where he had been most of the day. We went looking by the small pond.  No Captain.  We went to the covered area where the birds find extra shelter.  No Captain.  We looked all around the area.  No Captain.  We set our timers for 10 minutes and went out every 10 minutes as dusk came and went and it kept getting darker.  Still No Captain.  Finally, we had to close the door on the pen so the chickens and ducks would be safe from predators.  Captain may not be safe.  He was out there somewhere.  None of our birds have survived a night away from the pack.  If he survives, will he venture back?  There was a dark cloud over the Terpening house that night.

Living with animals gives us a great gift as we learn about our behavior.  One of the strongest lessons is how often animals will shun another animal just because it is new, a different color, or smaller than them.  How often do I shun others because they are a Republican or a Democrat, rich or poor, white or black, young or old?  We have incredible power to harm others by rejecting them based on external attributes or differences.  We love to establish pecking orders.  Truth be told, we can get satisfaction out of pecking on those weaker than us.  We may not do it physically, but we often do it with our words and actions.

Losing Captain to the cold dark world of predators, reminded me that I have incredible power to bless or destroy those around me.  Dear Lord, help me to accept every person I meet, just as they are.  Help me to see them as precious and give them love and acceptance.

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